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Let’s abuse the tools! Everyone knows Quarkus is computationally efficient, expressive, and rock-solid for production. But did you know that we can use Quarkus efficiency to build applications that shouldn’t go anywhere near production? In this demo-driven session, Holly will put the joy into “developer joy”. She’ll show you all sorts of things you can do with Quarkus that you probably shouldn’t:

Build an LLM-powered app that’s guaranteed to hallucinate, because you can do more than you think with guardrails, and truth is so boring

Write your business code in rockstarlang, because everything should be a hair metal ballad
Use Minecraft as your observability client, because the LGTM stack doesn’t have enough explosions
Write a CLI for generating memes faster, because everything is better on the command-line
Benchmark an application against a grapefruit, because metric units aren’t tasty
Business value? Learning? If you insist. As well as absurd demos, you’ll leave this session with a deeper understanding of how to get the most out of Quarkus and Java. There will be new Java 25 language features, Quarkus best practices, powerful integrations, and nifty use cases alongside the silly explosions and grapefruit.

Devoxx

A conference talk (Devoxx, April Fool's Day) by Holly Cummins from IBM's Quarkus team showcasing six deliberately ridiculous Quarkus demos: building a fast CLI meme generator with PicoCLI and GraalVM native compilation; benchmarking Quarkus vs Spring Boot energy efficiency using a 'lemon battery' metaphor (Quarkus needs ~76k lemons vs Spring's ~142k); using a server response filter to translate output into Gen Alpha slang; exploring the Quarkus Dev UI workspace API for code manipulation; compiling the Rockstar programming language (a joke language) to JVM bytecode via a Quarkus extension called Bon Jovi; and using Minecraft as an observability client with AI-generated entity names. Each demo includes honest post-mortems on what went wrong and practical takeaways about native compilation trade-offs, energy measurement challenges, and LLM hallucination guardrails.

Six and a half ridiculous things to do with Quarkus by Holly Cummins