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A developer critiques their company's new metric requiring 80% of epics to use AI tooling, arguing it measures tool usage rather than outcomes. The post challenges the industry trend of mandating AI adoption regardless of fit, using analogies and a critique of sensationalist AI headlines (e.g., Cursor's AI-built browser). Better alternatives proposed include customer satisfaction, failure rates, velocity, and burndown charts — metrics that reflect actual business value rather than tool compliance.